I wish my penis had an off switch
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
