i don't like sucking hair
no, he came in my armpit
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
