i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
