I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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