maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
