I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
