I've blown a few things in my day
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
