My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
