Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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