Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
