Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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