the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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