Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We left an ass print on the piano.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wear drunk well.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
