dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
