OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
