can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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