3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
