Im at strip club and am horny
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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