Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
