You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
