i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
