There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
