If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
