dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
