I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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