I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
