Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
