I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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