Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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