This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
