So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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