Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
