three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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