THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
