I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There are leaves in my underwear?
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