physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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