Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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