Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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