THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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