I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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