My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
