Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
