Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
