"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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