My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
