Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
