PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
