Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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