Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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