Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
