Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
