Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize