I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
