everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
