my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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