I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
