Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
