It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
