I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize