how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
