I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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