My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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