I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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