They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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